Aug 21, 2011
Dealing with comments
I've done well with people making comments over the years about adopting internationally. I know that adopting isn't for anyone or the fact that our child is from another race. I've taken comments in stride and try to educate people on why we decided that international adoption was the right choice for us. I think when comments are made from people who aren't close to us I'm more prepared for them to have negative feelings over our decision. Most of the comments that are made are comments I'm hearing on a regular bases. It's when you family who are well aware of the all the hurtles it took us to get where we are today still have no clue of the things they say hurt. I know that some might not realize what they are saying hurts, but when do you say the comments are uncalled for? I don't want my child to grow up with feeling that he doesn't really belong because he was adopted or always be referred to the adopted child when being introduced. He will be accepted as a full family member or they won't have an active role in my son's life. I don't think that is much to ask for. Do you?
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2 comments:
I don't think it's too much to ask for at all...in fact I entirely agree with you! I'm sure that some of the comments that youve heard we also have. It can be hard especially those hurtful comments from people you love. Don't worry too much about comments like that after Reagh arrives. The worst I heard coming home with O was "so NOW will you have some of your own?" my own? She is my own! We are the lucky ones to have her! That person has learned a lesson over the last three years that O has been home. He's realized that she's an important and functional member of our family, she brings so much to "the table"/our lives that life would have been missing without her. People will realize that about Reagh too. As for the "is he adopted" questions, unfortunately you'll probably still get those for basically ever to be honest. When we adopted from Kazakhstan we figured we'd have a Kazakh looking child. Then we ended up with a very European/ Russian decendant. O looks like my husband Jamey, she has the same eyes as me and her brother Landon. She doesnt "look" adopted, but we get those questions all the time. By the way she speaks. She has an accent. Then by her behavior, her maturity is much younger than other kids her age. Best bet is, Reagh won't have an accent and he'll grow up just like all the kids his age without much of a delay (hopefully none) from being in the Orphanage, but he will look different. There's nothing wrong with that. :) I've come to know and meet perfect strangers who see past "looks" and differences, who seem to see right into your heart and when you meet them you'll be blessed too. Kelly I have no doubt that after all you and TJ have gone through that you'll be a fantastic mom, one who does everything for their child to succeed, to advocate, nurture and love. When those comments or opinions come you'll know the right way to react and handle them in the best interest of your family and your son. Even if it means stepping on the toes of a few others. :)
We can't wait to see your journey unfold. Soon it will be the Keenan family of three. (plus pets) ;)
It doesn't get any easier as time goes on. People will surprise you, both in a good way and a not so good way. Surround yourself and family with people who love and support you, and leave or minimize your time with the rest. You are a Mama Bear now, they had better watch out for your ROAR!
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