Mar 16, 2010
Just Sad.
It's hard to keep positive lately. It seems that all I've been doing lately is going through the motions. It doesn't seem to help that I keep running into old friends that are pregnant lately. I'm happy for them, but part of me feels so hurt. I know that it's not them that is hurting me just the situation. I just find it so hard standing there wishing them well with a lump in my throat. Nothing worse then seeing a grown woman cry in Walmart. All I do lately is cry. This isn't right to feel so sad about having a family. Why do we have to go through so much to love a child? Why do we have to wait so many years to have a child? Tell me how to get through this!
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5 comments:
wine, friends who get it, running, mojitos, blogging, swearing.... this is how I am getting through.. barely.
Hey Kelly -
I just wanted to say, for whatever it's worth, that I've been where you are, and it sucks. For a long time, given our fertility issues, I wanted to scream when I'd hear about or see another pregnant friend; I felt like I had to grind my teeth together while I was wishing them well. All I wanted to do was be a mom and I didn't understand why it couldn't happen and why virtually everyone else just seemed able to HAVE them - as many as they wanted - only to spend a lot of time complaining about them after they arrived. It just hurt and hurt and hurt...and I'm sorry you're there.
After lots and lots of fertility treatments (and years of time, and a mortgage's worth of money), we were eventually able to have Matthew, six years and one week ago, and that's the hope I want to hold out to you. I wouldn't change one second of the time I spent in pain because of the joy that he was/is. Every single tear I shed before he came into our lives was worth the experience of having him here. There's something very precious, in my view, about the relationship between child and parent when those parents have waited so long to BE parents. When your child(ren) finally comes into your lives, s/he will be someone you never take for granted, and will love all the more for having gone through this hell.
I hope I haven't made things worse for you by posting this. I'm thinking of you quite a bit these days, and reading of your pain puts me right back to the time when I was there, too. It never really leaves you, but it does strengthen you and (I believe) makes you a wiser parent when it finally happens.
Hang in there Kelly. This is going to happen for you.
Ruth
Hang in there and catch up with friends!
I completely understand how you are feeling. We have also been waiting for what seems like forever!
We are thinking of you a lot these days as well and though I can imagine how you feel its not 1/10 of the actual feeling I am sure. Is there any type of time frame that anyone can give you? Even to say Spring 2011 would be better than no info at all. Do you know of other famililes through your agency that are getting referals or travelling for their kids right now?
Catherine
Kelly, I think of you often as well. I think what Ruth has written are brilliant words and I can totally identify with her. There is nothing anyone can say to ease your pain until your day arrives and you have your little ones in your arms. All this saddness and pain will melt away instantly and you will be the best Mom any child could have. I remember the awkwardness I felt when I use to see friends in public who were pregnant and I would put on my "happy" face. Once I would get back to my car I was just sob my heart out. Then I would feel like a terrible person for feeling that way. Such a hard hard thing to go through.
Take care, Danielle Herring
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