UPDATE: My new number!

I'm trying to get on the positive train and look forward to what's ahead of me. I seen on Rory's blog how far his parents came up the list; and thought that I had to let my friends and family know where we are on the list as well.

Our original number on the list: 132

# of referrals in December: 3

# of referrals in January: 14

# of referrals in February: 2

# of referrals in March (so far): 4

Total number of referrals: 23

Our (approximated) new number on the list: 109!

Congratulations!

I just wanted to Congratulate the families that got a referral today. It looks like Imagine had 2 referrals today. It was good news after the last few weeks of bad news. I wish them all the best!

Just Sad.

It's hard to keep positive lately. It seems that all I've been doing lately is going through the motions. It doesn't seem to help that I keep running into old friends that are pregnant lately. I'm happy for them, but part of me feels so hurt. I know that it's not them that is hurting me just the situation. I just find it so hard standing there wishing them well with a lump in my throat. Nothing worse then seeing a grown woman cry in Walmart. All I do lately is cry. This isn't right to feel so sad about having a family. Why do we have to go through so much to love a child? Why do we have to wait so many years to have a child? Tell me how to get through this!

I just want to be a mom.

I'm sitting here looking at the screen wondering what to write. I think the title says it all. I'm just living in sadness wondering if and when this will ever happen. I'm really not sure if it will for us. I'm not sure how much one can take of all this. I can't take a break from my life even how much I want to right now. I wake up every day hoping that our miracle will happen. Everyday I'm slapped in the face with reality that our miracle isn’t coming today. Why do I have to live in such pain each and every day? Why do I have to listen to everyone that this is "our time" enjoy it. Why do I have to keep putting on a brave face for everyone else to feel comfortable around me? I just want to be a mother. What so wrong with that?

More news....and not great news.

It seems that every time we think we are making some head way with our adoption we are kicked in the teeth with bad news. Last week we were told that 3 out of the 5 orphanages are temporary on hold for adoptions right now. We are still unsure of why this is happening. The agency is trying to find this out for us as well. This will mean longer delays with our adoption. It’s just want we needed to hear.

Then yesterday I only find out that there’s a possible chance that we will now have to travel to Ethiopia twice to be able to adopt our child. Part of me was excited to have the possibility to see our child before we take them home. Now there’s more money to be collected and no guarantee of the adoption going through. It’s just a scary feeling to have right now. I’m hoping for a happy ending.

11 Months and waiting....

still waiting....and still sad.