Oct 19, 2009
Trying to keep the hope alive...
I'm finding it hard to feel excitment on our adoption. I know that things have been moving forward for Imagine though I can't help but feel that it seems to be taking forever. I just want to know when I will have my child(ren) in my arms. When I started this whole process in Feb 2008 I never thought that my path would take us this way. I can't tell you all about the issues that we came across to why we've been taking us to this point but those of you who do know of our situation can understand how we lost our excitment over this adoption. As I was happy to hear that our adoption will keep going forward...I just didn't take in mind how hard this added wait time will affect us. I know deep down that it's better then no adoption at all...it's just hard to accept right now. I don't want to be ungrateful for all those who have worked so hard on getting this agency up and running again. I can't tell you how grateful for those who have opened the door for our adoption to go forward becasue of you our dreams of a family will come true. I don't ever want to take away from that. I just feel that at this point in time I've lost my excitment over the process....am I wrong for feeling this way? I just want that excitment back in my life again.
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6 comments:
You will get there, Kelly. In your own time, you will get there. I too find it hard to get excited, for fear of setting myself up for a bigger fall come Spring when the 6 month 'trial' period is up. But, I have had a few more happy thoughts creep into my head lately, and I actually made my first purchase for our daughter since July 13th, and it didn't feel wierd. So, in time, I think you will start to get a bit more of that good feeling back. I am in no way 100% there, but I do feel somehow better this week than I did last. Not sure what has changed.... :)
Claire
I hope that once you have your kids with you, you will hardly remember the heart-wrenching trail of getting there. All of that anguish will be replaced with complete joy.
Hey Kelly,
I sure hope that things begin to move a little more quickly and that you'll soon get a renewed and refreshed sence of excitment and expectation. You have had a very difficult process thus far and I can't wait to hear that you and the other families who were waiting on Imagine will soon be heading over for your Children. I keep checking up to see how things are going. Its great to see a new post. :)
Catherine
I know exactly what you're feeling, I don't know what it is but this week in particular. Perhaps because it has been the one year mark since our dossier arrived in Ethiopia,perhaps because this month is the time we were last told for our referral before the bankruptcy. I've just crashed so hard. The need to protect myself from anymore hurt seems to supersede any sense of hope. All I can say is that your feelings are real and valid and you're not alone in having them, it's best to just feel it. I remember a concept from Khalil Gibran- the depth to which we feel our sorrow/pain is the height to which we will feel our joy.
Christine
Haven't heard anything new from you in a while. How is your shoe collection going? What about your moms house? Is it being built? already done? So many questions...just want to know how you are I guess. There is a family here in Lloydminster who is hoping to be on their way to Ethiopia in January to get a 5 year old boy, I just read about it in the newspaper a few days ago...I hope you hear something soon!
Catherine, Jamey and Oksana
Heck, you can't be exited for years on end! And sometime that's how long adoption takes.
Don't beat yourself up over it. It's a self-preservation technique and I think a little perspective is useful when you DO get your kids and come down from that high.
Cheers
Nicky
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