How I long for that moment to hold our child for the first time. How I would love to hear those special words...I love you mommy. How I long to put them to sleep. How I long to wipe their tears away. How I long to just have you in my arms. How I love this faceless child in my heart and we have yet to meet.
How I never want to wake up dreaming of you but how long can I wait for our dream to come true. How long do we have to dream of you before you become more then just a dream. How much longer do I have to wait.....
I can't help but think that maybe we've waited long enough and it's time to let go of our dream of you. How we've wanted this dream to come true. I wonder if it's going to be just what it is.....a dream. Maybe it's time to just wake up and learn to dream of something other then you?
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Oh Kelly - I hear the pain in your words and can so easily understand it, given my own history. But, at risk of butting in where I don't belong, I so want to say: DON'T GIVE UP! As long as this wait feels, it's 'only' been 16 months, and there was a 6-month bankruptcy-related delay in there.
Before you give up on adoption/your dream, would you be open to broadening your age range - that would certainly help to speed things up. Is there a way of keeping your fie active while you try to move forward in other areas of your life? Are there other countries (S.Africa; U.S.) that might be worth considering?
I'm so sorry if I'm intruding in a place that you don't need or want advice. It just tears me up to think of someone giving up on their dream of parenting. I also understand, though, that there comes a time when one must move on and put dreams behind.
I just hope you're not there yet.
I'll be thinking of you Kelly - you're in a tough spot.
Blessings,
Ruth
Kelly - it is so hard to be on this journey wondering when it will all come to be...there are times when you absolutely, 100% think you can no longer do it.
You can.
You have so many to lean on when you feel like you can't take one more step.
You can do this.
hey kelly! don't give up! your child is out there probably thinking the exact same thing right now... you would never want THEM to give up... good luck, and i hope things start picking up!!!
Kelly. I echo what everyone else has said. Don't give up. Unless you have another sure thing you are pursuing. Yes , you will still be waiting and waiting but each month gets you closer to your little one. I know it's hard and almost impossible at times but remember there is a child waiting for you and they don't want you to give up.
I almost don't want to say anything because I don't want it to sound insensitive because it is coming from the mom of seven kids but I just have to say that you need to keep dreaming. Nothing in life worth having comes easily. I know the pain. I know the fear. We had a long road to get to where we are at, including a failed foster-to-adopt after we had had our first daughter for 19 months and had to lose her. It has been such a hard journey but SO WORTH IT. There have been other very hard times along our road to growing our family, including our one son's adoption taking over five and a half years to be finalized. All those years, we had him in our home and he was our son in our hearts but there was the risk of losing him and sometimes, that almost happened. Getting to the large family we dreamed of has not been easy, but I am thankful every day for each of my precious children and that I am privileged enough to be a mom.
You will have that too as long as you continue to dream and to believe, to not give up HOPE. And when you do, you will appreciate it that much more, be more grateful, treasure each day with your child for the gift that it is.
My heart aches for you and for what you are going through.
One thing that I want to remind you of though is that as much as you want to be a mother, there is a child out there who needs a mother even more than that. So I urge you, for the sake of that child to keep holding on...one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, until someday that child will be blessed to call you mommy.
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