Tired

I've been locked in my room for most of the holidays due to a cold. Deep down I feel that it's been my excuse to hide from everyone right now. I just feel tired and beaten down. This time of year should be full of happiness & cheer and all I feel is sadness. I just want this waiting to be over and have the family that I have always wanted. As each Christmas goes by without my wish coming true it only depresses me even more. As it's only a reminder of what I don't have in my life. With each gathering there's the questions that every waiting mother hates to hear. When are your kids coming? I just try to say something quickly as I make myself to another room in the house. Half the time you feel like you are walking around like a zombie. You can't seem to get away from anything this time of year that keeps reminding you of the children you have been waiting for. It's hard to get over the things our parents come to teach us that dreams come true at christmas time. That all we have to do is be good and make our wish to Santa. As we wake up on Christmas morning we run to the tree to see all our wishes came true. Well Santa I have been a good girl and my wish was the same as the last 6 years. Why aren't my wishes coming true?