We got an update today that we need to look at updating our age or have a very long wait. Guess it looks like we will increase the age. Now the decision is to figure out what age to go up to. I'm so worried that we will have attachment issues if we go to high in age. Since I don't know a lot of people that have adopted an older child I don't know who to talk to about our concerns.
I'm just feeling so confused of what to do. Anyone out there that have adopted older children that can tell how their experience was like?
Kelly
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We were originally with Imagine to adopt siblings up to 18 months.
After the bankruptcy we voted to restructure but then decided to switch to another agency and adopt a 4 year old boy waiting in China with cleft lip and palate. He is our joy of joys and each day I am thankful that our road led us to him! We brought him into our family April of last year and home to Canada in May. We have had positive experiences. Yes it can be hard for him sometimes but we really were prepared for much more difficult issues. Please e-mail me if you have any specific questions. We are so happy! We will only we adopting older waiting children from now on! ;0) Best of luck in your journey!
Tasha
Kelly, as you know, we adopted Jaida @ 3 years old. It has been an amazing and wonderful experience. There are different challenges(than adopting a baby) and of course, not every situation is the same, but we've made adjustments as we go and she is an absolute joy. If you have any questions, just drop me and email.
Carolyn
Sharla adopted older siblings, 4 and 7, and brought them home just after the bankruptcy. She has two blogs that both talk about adoption (she has 5 adopted children, plus 2 bio). She recently did a post on adopting older children.
http://www.theblessing.ca
http://pocketsofchange.wordpress.com/
Honestly, you are just as likely to have attachment issues with babies as with older children. The two people I know personally who have faced serious attachment problems both brought their children home as infants or young toddlers. With older kids, you are more likely to have challenges right away with grief & loss, but the majority of older kids adopted from Ethiopia are not typical "institutionalized" children that you tend to read about in studies of international adoption of older kids. They lived in families, they loved family members, they know what it means to be in a family. That is not to say that they may not have had some trauma in their little lives, and of course it is still important to use all your learning about attachment parenting, but don't be scared off by fear of attachment issues.
My son was 4 1/2 when he came home. My range was age 2-4 at referral, and that was probably the right choice for me as a first time parent. Now that I've been there done that, I would go as high as age 6 with no hesitation.
Older kids are a joy - and watching them experience all the firsts from the first elevator to the first snow to the first bike ride is priceless!
If you have any questions, feel free to email me at mmtafel at gmail dot com
good luck!
I just wrote an article about our experience adopting older children. With our previous adoptions, we had gotten the kids as babies, so this was a very different experience. Hopefully, you are able to learn from the roads that others have walked and make a decision you are comfortable with. Here is a link to the article:
http://www.bukisa.com/articles/375629_adopting-older-children-what-i-wish-i-had-known
P.S. feel free to e-mail me anytime (oursevenblessings@gmail.com). I am happy to answer any questions.
Hey Kelly,
I think when adopting an older child it makes a difference about how you approach it and what the childs background is. You know quite a bit of our story of adopting Oksana at age 8. We love Oksana to peices but if we had it to do over again we would say younger than 6. It would have been nice to have her home for the first year before throwing her into school. We also talked about being her heart mama and papa from the beginning with her too. She lived with her bio mother for 6 years before the Orphanage. Her Bio mom is her tummy mom and I am not taking her place just making a different one. :) Other than a few issues in regards to limits and boundaries we havne't really had any attachement issues. You know...you should check out a blog that I have been following. This family has 14 kids. 6 of them are biological and 8 are adopted from European countries. All but 1 were adopted after age 4. They came home just a few months ago with a 11 year old girl and her 9 year old brother from Ukraine. Christine has answered so many questions for me its amazing. www.smilesandtrials.blogspot.com
Also, I still have that book to send to you and will be sending it this week. I lost it in the move and while cleaning a few more boxes this weekend It turned up. Sorry its taken me so long. :( My fault. It should be there in about a week I am guessing.
Take Care,
Catherine
We adopted a 7 year old from South Africa this year. There have been far fewer issues than we anticipated, but it's exhausting all the same. It's hard for her, but she's trying attachment is slowly happening. Feel free to e-mail me anytime @ mrschangstein@telus.net. Also check out Mary's blog @ http://darbsm.wordpress.com/
as they adopted a 4 yo boy & an 18 month girl from SA this year too (approx ages).
wow, that was super insensitive...some people out there have no regard for others. So sorry to hear that happened to you. Natalie
My daughter was almost 1 1/2 when she came home from Guatemala. She had been bonded in a very healthy way with her loving foster mother. I believe that she was able to transfer that trust to me. It took some time, but she did great. She's now 8 1/2. I have friends who have adopted kids at ages ranging from 4 months to 15 years. I can't say there is a pattern to which ones bonded more quickly than others and so on. I'd definitely read up on issues that might come up with older kids, but also think you are in for a wonderful new life as parents. On my adoption blog, I have several stories from other adoptive families. See loveyoumorebook.blogspot.com. The very first post (if you keep hitting "older, older" posts at bottom of page) is about a family I know who recently adopted two teens from Ethiopia. Their story is told, a bit, there. Wishing you all the best,
Jennifer Grant
jennifergrant.com
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