Happy but still uneasy...

I got an email today stating that Imagine Adoption will continue running. They had 246 families paid the additional cost to keep the agency open, so this means that we are in the clear till March. That is when we find out if the families will pay the second installment that is due to continue keeping the doors open. I'm happy to hear that we are over the first hurdle but uneasy till I hear referrals coming in. I want to see where I'm at on the master list of things. I thought I would be jumping for joy today with this news but I'm still feeling uneasy of the whole thing. It's almost like I'm waiting for the BUT moment. I don't want my heart to be broken again...and I'm not sure if I'm ready to open it up fully to news we got today. I'm scared to let it sink in. Maybe in time it will creep in there.

Our Annual Christmas Party

Had our annual Christmas party last night. It was very much needed after all this waiting in our adoption world. I'm glad for one night I could just let the hair down and have a good time.

When will the sadness go away....

It's so hard to believe that this year has had so mixed emotions for me. I was so excited over the thought of adopting a child and finally having the family that we've always wanted. I finally let my heart believe that we were going to have all our dreams come true. To only find out that our dream of a family was over this summer.

I loved the thought of some many people faught to keep the dream alive and are trying to get the agency up and running again. I so want to believe that it will really happen...I just can't till I know for sure that there will be enough people pay the retainer to keep the agency going. My heart can't take another blow right now. I just find myself crying all the time and I can't stop. If this doesn't go through we aren't going to have our happy ending.

I don't need to hear oh don't worry it will happen crap right now. The deal is people that all of our money is invested in this. By the time we pay off this failed adoption it will be too late for us to have a family. That's just reality....as hard as it is I have to accept it. That is what makes me so sad. I have no control over my future....and I don't know if I will ever get over this if we don't hear good news after Nov 30th.

Trying to keep the hope alive...

I'm finding it hard to feel excitment on our adoption. I know that things have been moving forward for Imagine though I can't help but feel that it seems to be taking forever. I just want to know when I will have my child(ren) in my arms. When I started this whole process in Feb 2008 I never thought that my path would take us this way. I can't tell you all about the issues that we came across to why we've been taking us to this point but those of you who do know of our situation can understand how we lost our excitment over this adoption. As I was happy to hear that our adoption will keep going forward...I just didn't take in mind how hard this added wait time will affect us. I know deep down that it's better then no adoption at all...it's just hard to accept right now. I don't want to be ungrateful for all those who have worked so hard on getting this agency up and running again. I can't tell you how grateful for those who have opened the door for our adoption to go forward becasue of you our dreams of a family will come true. I don't ever want to take away from that. I just feel that at this point in time I've lost my excitment over the process....am I wrong for feeling this way? I just want that excitment back in my life again.

I'm doing my happy dance!!!!!!!!

I just got word that the proposal was approved!!!!!! I can't tell you how happy we are right now. If you could only see me trying to type this dancing in my seat...lol

Our dreams are going to come true after all!!!!!!! Whoooo Hooooo!

So far it's looking up.

The proposal came out and it looks like we are up to a vote to see if our agency will come out of debt. Once the voting is done we will have a better picture if I can do my happy dance. I'm still uneasy about the whole thing but there looks to be a small glimmer of hope coming. Keep sending your good vibes my way!

Kell

Hoping for good news.

I have gotten word that we should hear some news tomorrow on the proposal on bringing Imagine back to life. I've always thought of myself as someone that could with stand anything that could be thrown my way till July 14/09. Since this day my nervous have been shot. No one really understands how hard this summer has been on us except for those who are going through this with us. I don't feel like I have that lust for life as I once had. Once I had seen 2 babies come home from our agency I got so excited inside that I shared our news of adoption with everyone. You couldn't get the smile off my face as I told the story of us adopting a children from Ethiopia. When I talk about the possibility of our adoption it has great sadness in my heart. Even if we get good news tomorrow I don't think I will every really believe it until someone comes home with their child.